God is challenging me some right now!

Sometimes I just want to cry. I know I sound like I am whinny but the frustration of the adult world is sometimes more than I think I am built for. To fully express this frustration and get it out of my system so I can get on with my day I need to tell the main story behind this disappointment. I keep very good records for tax season because John and I set up an LLC a while back and it has been a good way for us to keep up with spending and it also has been financially healthy for us. So on that note.......we are expecting a tax return. And yes I say expecting because we are still waiting on it. Totally unaware to us, when the tax return went in everything was correct except my social security number on a 1099 from a company that I did part-time tutoring with. Now you might say no big deal but the IRS is not going to call you when you have a refund and tell you something is wrong. They are going to assume that you do not care and keep the money. To make a long story short.......it will take up to 12 weeks now, because it was late, to receive our refund. AHHHHHHHHHHH! And to top it all off.....my husband is unemployed and that financial booster shot would take a load off my mind.

I sort of feel like 'no good dead goes unpunished'. BUT I have this internal conflict going on at the same time. I want to be like Aspah in the Psalms 73..............realizing that "No doubt about it! God is good— good to good people, good to the good-hearted." I believe that I qualify for that good-hearted characteristic. Asaph was kinda fed up like me. He was disappointed that the wicked seem to be doing great and free from all frustration and he is left with a fundamental question to himself........why am I so good then? But you have to be careful to read the first few verses because he sets the whole thing off retrospectively. He says in verse 2-5......"I nearly missed it, missed seeing His goodness. I was looking the other way, looking up to the people..... At the top, envying the wicked who have it 'made'". I feel so bad! Yeah this is inconvenient and annoying but God has been good and He has provided for us what we needed through one form or another. He knows the desires of my heart and knows that I would like to have a home I can be proud of and experiences for my kids that enrich their lives. Why do I worry about it so much! He loves me and will provide within his will and plan. Why do I get so worked up.

"Lord.......thank you for your blessings and how well you know me! I am surprised that you still bestow on me blessings that I cannot see because I am so frustrated with the ones I don't possess yet. Forgive me please! It is shameful how side tracked I can get. Father.........you know my heart and that my intention for such blessings are not evil. I want to be a shining example of Your love and faithfulness that is all. I need your help in this area because I struggle with worry and envy. Bless me Oh Lord according to your riches and will. Love.....your servant."